Morning is a pleasant surprise from the cold infiltration of winters that seems to last, almost forever. But today, here in New Delhi, I realized something lie behind the dictatorship of winters.
I admit that I am a night person, from not-sleeping-all-night to my fascination towards everything related to the darkness, moon, those creatures that you cannot really detect at night and the contours of twisted branches of those hundred year old trees. I hate waking up early. However, today I realized this is not the case. Definitely not.
I do not know if it is my connection with the nature or perhaps something ells but today while my father, as he do now then, was dropping me to nearest station, I realized, something is different and then, I suddenly started thinking about all those journals where people claimed to have seen nymphs, little pixie like creatures and have then, enthusiastically claimed their presence is less to be seen and more to be felt. Today I felt that exact presence and although their was no sign of…I would say nature at its “elemental form” but when you live in Delhi, the greenery surpasses such qualms too. You can strangely feel this entangled living of human civilization and the dense green cover, at least virtually. *Touchwood* to it.
It is my tradition to close my eyes and to mediate on breathing the air while I am on the morning bike ride, but these beautiful visions could not let me do so. It was ACTUALLY like winter and summer were mating to give me this beautiful offspring-scenario that popped up that classic song in my head by Louise Armstrong…What a wonderful world. It made me the mother of its very notion as I could feel some sort of patriotism for nature, if something like that exists in our world then I became its mother and it became mine.
John Keats might get that. The sunlight along with the cold mist, all the vehicles and glasses were drenched. Even the sign boards were drenched and then you could see the sunlight playing around your being as it is seen to do in Amazon. And here I am falling away from the anxieties of the world, chasing the sun, my father becomes the angel (Funny thought) who is supposed to take me to heaven. But then define heaven.
Heaven is not a gold mine. Not girls dancing around, serving drink. I remember I came across a really brilliant picture book. I believe it has the accurate description of what is heaven. In the picture, we were drops of golden water, sleeping, at peace, forming a pure golden ocean of souls which as the books says ultimately becomes god. The theory that God is incomplete without us as we are without him. I don’t know if we really becomes god, taking too far the proverb of ‘Divided we fall, united we stand’, but the picture in my mind tells me that it can be better perceived as the ultimate presence of god. He keeps us save. He keeps us at peace while we are having these thousand dreams as we remain in our eternal sleep. We are memories. We will become memories.
Now people ask me, what is your motive in life? I say–to achieve this very place. It is difficult to explain and I am not at all suicidal but yes, this very space. But then as we all know we have to work hard to achieve dreams, henceforth, presently, I am working for other ambitions that are worldly. Such as this blog.